Begone Doom and Gloomers: the New Era of Total Happiness has Arrived
That's it. We've had it. No more sad stories. No more long faces. We just can't take it anymore. We, the moral supporters, staff and affiliates are on strike. We are on strike against doom and gloomers. We are on strike against those that continue insisting the sky is falling.
There is no joy in Mudville. Nor in Cupertino or Thousand Oaks. Let us hang our collective heads and knash our designer teeth as we jog to wheat grass brunch. How do I know there is no joy?
I go into a lot of businesses. When I walk in and see the doom and gloom I think these folks are in trouble. They are not happy campers. I may be a smart guy but it really doesn't take much intellect to see if someone is happy and smiling or sad and frowning. It is one of the first things we learn as babies. Duh?
See for yourself in the next business you go into. Simply look and observe if the folks you see are smiling or not. Then, look at the customers present and see if they are smiling or not.
That's all the effort you need to spend in this portion of your corporate culture analysis.
Then go back to your office or the nearest coffee shop and sit down and analyze your results. Odds are if the employees are smiling, the customers are smiling. If the employees are frowning,the customers are frowning.
Some psychologists call this the mirror effect or the idea that we reflect the behaviors we observe. This is true for most monkeys and probably for most humans since we are genetically 98% alike. At least most of you are...
Imagine going into your favorite pub and the waitress has a long face. You think maybe it's you and then you realize you're not her type. Your mind frantically searches through your cerebral database to come up with reasons for the long face. You stall on 'bad food' and decide it is perhaps best to have a beer now and eat somewhere else later.
Somewhere else where you won't get sick like the waitress.
The truth of the matter is the waitress' four year old poured all of daddy's cement into the toilet and the sitter wants to know what to do since it is starting to harden. But that is no excuse for the waitress or her pub's inept management team.
You missed the special of the day, missed the winning touchdown on the widescreen and your favorite pub went bankrupt the next day all because your waitress was wearing a long face because of her maladjusted kid's antics. Go figure.
Accept no excuses for frowns. That kid will really start acting up when he goes hungry.
I am tired of going into businesses and feeling like I'm at a funeral. I refuse to weep before my time. Therefore, we here at Deal Business Consulting http://www.jddeal.com are changing our Mission Statement to "We create Happiness and a Slice of Prosperity as Well."
That's it. That's all we do. Forget the Employee Manuals and the Compensation Plans. Forget the benefits and Paid Time Off. No more Strategic Positioning. No more loan narratives. No more cash flow projections.
Anyway, none of it matters in a gloom and doom world.
So you laugh at this and think it's stupid and think I'm stupid and what kind of company creates and sells happiness since we can't even define it.
Hold on, amigo. We are getting numerous service requests. Owners are calling us up and asking us to exorcise the demons of frown from their corporate culture. And I'm proud to say as I stand before you here today that we are proud of ourselves and are very, very, happy about that. As well we should be. Kudos for us.
How does one become a real happiness change agent? Well, I know that sooner or later all you intellectuals out there will ask that question wondering if you too could become as skilled and proficient as we are.
The answer is no, not even close but you shouldn't let that discourage you. It's always good to keep an upbeat attitude; it helps the smiles and smiles spread happiness.
Jesting aside you probably didn't know how your collective melancholy not only kills your business but eats into the neurons of your hippocampus thus explaining why all people that constantly frown are perpetual losers.
It's that simple: frown and your hippocampus turns to mush. That's what we tell our people. I can't say they believe us, but that's our company line. We very firmly believe that if we say it enough times even we will start to believe it.
But the honest truth is we just don't like frowners and we don't like losers. We don't like them, we don't work with them, and we strongly suggest you get them out of your workplace before they poison your whole work environment. And to back up what we say, we will charge you big bucks here at http://www.jddeal.com to come out to your company and tell you exactly that.
So the next time one of your customers asks "Who died?" take it as a constructive criticism and not a perverted death wish or personal grooming insult.
However if you have been noticing a funny odor for the last several days you may want to check the source out. Most likely it will be a rotting rat inside a wall but sometimes employees have been known to pass away and not be missed for weeks.
That leads us into next week's topic which is "Why You Should Check Your Employees' Oil Each and Every Day." We'll actually be talking with an entrepreneur from upstate New York who thought his employee's bad attitude toward the company explained the employee's non-responsiveness to management threats. Think again, bozo!
So until then, keep the faith, no counterfeit Rolexes and don't forget that beautiful smile!
